If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
