Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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