there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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