when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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