i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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