I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
