She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
