We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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