xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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