Since when is my name a synonym for head?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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