I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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