I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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