im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
