Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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