If i come over, it means nothing
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They took my balls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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