Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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