just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
