Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
