Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
