You made me cry and you don't even care
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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