i was born a porn star she said
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
