I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
