Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
