New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
