Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
