does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
