Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
