Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
