That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
