we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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