Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
