If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
