I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
