You smell like a Billy Joel song
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
