Already got asked if we're dating
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
