oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
