I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
