dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
