yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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