dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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