Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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