My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A+ Viking dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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