I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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