she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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