we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
