he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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