Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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