HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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