and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
