if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
