Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
